sophie8: (Balloons)
I am loving the Google image today. It's interactive!
sophie8: (Kite)
So a proper update...

I'm taking a break from uni. I went back to placement on the 29th of December and it was horrible. I couldn't stop shaking. I felt sick to my stomach. I jumped everytime anyone spoke to me. And I had to keep disappearing to the bathroom to stop myself crying. So at 5 o'clock I went to see the placement co-ordinator and told her that I'd completely lost my confidence in my abilities and that I was a risk to the patients working when I felt like that. My placement before Christmas had just been so stressful and so horrible and even without the referral I had already started losing my confidence. And damn it I'm a good nurse.

So anyways I was meant to be taking an interuption and going back in April. But the principal lecturer came up with a better plan. I have to repeat the last unit of the course, which sucks, but I get to keep my bursary until August. Which makes the whole thing less stressful because being financially dependent on Mark is not something I was coping well with. I go back to uni for 3 weeks in March and then I do a 4 week non-assessed placement and then I do my proper 12 week final placement. If all goes well I'll be finished by the end of July.

Other news, Mark is going to be selling his flat soon. Total end of a era! His job has moved and so we're looking for a house in Reading. At the moment I'm coordinating all the work that needs doing on the flat before he sells. The electrics are finished, but that's left some attractive plaster patterns. So the plasterer comes next week. And then we have to buy paint, repaint 4 of the 5 rooms and then get the living room recarpeted. Maybe I'll arrange a painting weekend and try to lure some of you to come help with the promise of nommy food and alcohol as reward...

The other big news is that I'll be having my surgery in September most likely. Very scary. But I get to have a cat to help me get better. Or at least that's my reasoning :-D
sophie8: (Tardis)
*waves*

Still alive. I do plan to do a what's going on with me post. Just don't really feel like it yet. Will try next week.
sophie8: (Precious)
“Pain is whatever the experiencing person says it is; existing whenever he or she says it does.”

—Margo McCaffrey

Living with chronic pain is exhausting. I never have a pain-free day. On the best of my good days my pain is like noise from the house next door, always there but easy enough to tune out. And on the worst of my bad days I just want to die because I can't imagine it ever stopping. There is nothing I can do to stop my pain except take lots of analgesics which of course all come with their own side effects and health problems, and they don't always work. There is no pattern of behaviour that triggers the pain, no way of predicting whether tomorrow will be a good or bad day. All of this is exhausting and unfair. I spend a large amount of time incredibly angry that I'm living through this again. And I spend an equal amount of time in despair not knowing if it will ever get better.

On Friday I went on the waiting list for my revision surgery. The wait is at least 9 months. The recovery period is estimated at 6 months. So maybe in 2 years this will all be over. I don't dare to hope yet, like I said I've been through this before. But maybe I will get lucky.

Huge geek

Sep. 4th, 2010 10:10 pm
sophie8: (Blush)
I was at Mark's last weekend and we finally got around to opening me an account on Lord of the Rings Online. It may have been a bad plan. The game is addictive. It's nice because it's something Mark and I can do together when we're not in the same city but it is eating my life. I have become an obsessive gamer, today I didn't even change out of my pjs. I did go up 4 almost 5 levels though...
sophie8: (Hiding)
Mark is away at his parents' place. I only saw him on Monday but I'm missing him like crazy. I'm so glad that we're moving in together fairly soon, the missing him thing has got worse and worse over time and I'm just done with it now. I strongly suspect if he hadn't asked me to move in I would have ended things, I just can't deal with my life being that fractured anymore. I'm perfectly happy in my own little bubble and then I see him and it's perfect and then I go back to my little bubble and it's not ok anymore. I miss him like crazy for a week and then I get used to it and I'm ok for a week and then I see him again. And it's a cycle of that. Long distance just doesn't work anymore.

Things for the future are still up in the air, he's still not keen on the kids idea and I have to have a huge spinal surgery with an eighteen month recovery period and that's a lot of pressure. But I think once we're in one place it'll be easier to work out what we both want from each other. And if it doesn't work out then at least we tried. And I won't ever regret the time we've had together. But I'm thinking positively about our future and it feels right to be doing that.
sophie8: (Precious)
I got 66% on my research essay! Second highest mark in the class. And for further squeeage, my tutor wants me to submit it for publication! It needs to be cut from 5000 words to 2000 but she's willing to help me with that. I could be published, it's been my dream since I was tiny to see my name in print. I never thought it would be something academic but still so much awesome!

Otherwise life is fairly smooth. I'm on placement in theatres which I'm loving. I'm getting really good feedback and I'm considering applying there. I can see myself fitting into that environment. It's not entirely ideal, as it'll be a hell of a commute from Mark's place but it is doable if I can't find somewhere nearer to Oxford.
sophie8: (Stardust)
I should probably update this thing more. Anyways. Life.

I started my new placement. I'm doing 8 weeks in the theatre department at my hospital. At the moment I'm in recovery, which is interesting. Also strangely manic and quiet at the same time. I'm learning a huge amount about looking after the airway which is fascinating and scary at the same time. So yeah that's all going well.

I took a trip home a couple of weeks ago. Took Mark too. That was awesome. I had been missing my family a huge amount, I hadn't seen them since Christmas. Also the weather was glorious and I got to take Mark to see many of my favourite places as well as couple of places that were new to me too.

Healthwise it's all much the same. I've been having some really bad dizzy spells, I'm not sure that spells is the right word really. Some of them last for 2-3 hours. My GP has ruled out all the obvious reasons so I'm a little concerned that it's related to my lungs. Seeing my respiratory consultant on Friday.

I'm spitting mad today, just found out that I may only be getting half of my deposit back from my previous house. The landlords are charging us for the place to be professionally cleaned which will be upwards of £500, as well as overcharging us for other minor damage to the house. The most annoying thing is all this stuff should fall under normal wear and tear. I'm pissed off as I really could have done with that money.

And that's all, I think.
sophie8: (Sorrow)
Turns out the problem I've been having with my breathing wasn't just me being a hypocondriac. My lungs aren't able to inflate properly due to my rib cage being twisted and generally wonky. I'm not able to breathe out all my carbon dioxide, so it's building up and making me feel like I crap. Yay yet another health problem.
sophie8: (Balloons)
Today was the eight birthday of my LJ and I abandoned it. It actually feels a little bit sad but I think it's good to leave it behind. It's not really me anymore, if that makes sense. I suspect I'm just talking rubbish, I blame my university's obsession with making us reflect on everything. I overanalyse enough, I don't need encouragement! Also it was the 1st birthday of this journal on the 12th and I forgot. Bad journal keeper!
sophie8: (Tequila)
I am so very depressed about the election results. And mad as hell at all the people who decided that letting the Tories back into power was a good idea.
sophie8: (Kite)
Happy Birthday [personal profile] shinytoaster!
Hope you have a good one.

Well in 43 minutes anyways...
sophie8: (Tequila)
I'm having a bad week. Can I have a hug?
sophie8: (Precious)
My weekend has been made of awesome. Mark came up to London on Friday night and the evening was spent eating nice food and cuddling up watching one of my favourite films. he also told me he had a surprise planned for Saturday afternoon.

On Saturday we went out for lunch at Wahaca which is a nommy Mexican place and then he steered me to Victoria and revealed that we were going to see Wicked! It was amazing. I'd heard Defying Gravity before, but I didn't know any of the other songs or much about the plot at all. So yes very awesome surprise.

We got home just into time for Doctor Who )

Today was made up of a lazy morning, out for lunch (I ate more than I thought was possible) and then a bit of wander around Covent Garden before I headed home and Mark headed for the train station.
sophie8: (Umbrella)
I watched the debate. Still fairly undecided about how I'm voting except not for the Tories. I thought of the three leaders Nick Clegg came off the best, although on occasion I felt he seemed a little juvenile particularly when pointing out that Cameron and Brown were fighting again. The moderator was awesome, can he be Prime Minister instead?
sophie8: (In retrospect)
My fucking family!

That is all.
sophie8: (Morally grey)
I'm having a late 90s flashback amd I've been downloading music from such legends as East 17, Savage Garden and Five. I'm a little embarrassed but I still remember most of the words!
sophie8: (In retrospect)
1. It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I'm now 26 and therefore old.

2. Uni is hard. Very hard. I had forgotten how difficult it is to pay attention for two hours when you aren't interested/don't understand.

3. My mum and stepdad are giving great thought to separating. The final straw was when he brought home an air rifle for my 10 and 12 year old brothers after my mother told him to buy it over her dead body. Things haven't been good between them in the 25 years they've been together.

4. I want to be somewhere warm and sunny and no here right now.
sophie8: (Balloons)
So just had entirely random conversation with my housemates A and S. A and I decided that is S was an animal he would be an otter. A feels that she would be a panda and I do agree with this. What kind of animal do you think I would be? And what about yourselves?
sophie8: (Balloons)
I am finished my 2nd year! Woot!
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